Saturday, January 20, 2007

Geaghan Exclusive: On the inside track

To show my immediate value as a new contributor to Runes, I respectfully submit the following exclusive report:

A White House insider confirmed today that George Bush and his staff have successfully vetted the likely next nominee for any vacant seat on the U.S. Supreme Court. If he is confirmed by the Senate, the new nominee will join two other Bush appointees on the bench: Chief Justice John Roberts (age 51) and Samuel Alito (age 56), the two youngest members of the Court.

The likely nominee is Thornberry T. Pistlethwaite IV of Coyanosa, Texas, the son of George Bush's roommate at Philips Academy in Massachusetts. Pistlethwaite, age 24, has impeccable conservative credentials and his father is a major Bush campaign contributor. The prospective nominee is currently a second-year student at Davy Crockett Law School in Loco Alta, Texas. Though he has distinguished himself as a proofreader for the school's law review, he does not have a judicial paper trial that might subject him to greater scrutiny by the Democratic Senate.

My informant states that "as far as we can tell, the Constitution doesn't require a nominee to be either a licensed attorney or a law-school graduate, though we're confident that Thornberry will eventually obtain those credentials." If this proves to be an obstacle, the Attorney General's office has already prepared a signing statement that, according to a source in that office, "will exempt the nominee from any unfair Constitutional impediments, including the necessity of Senate confirmation."

If appointed, Pistlethwaite's judicial career could easily extend until 2060 and beyond.

GRAPHIC: Pistlethwaite taking a break while snowboarding in Aspen last week.

No comments: